Yesterday we finally got to meet little Ethan Anderson! OMG, he is so cute. It is hard to believe the boys were ever that small...and even smaller. Here are some pics from our big day!
Ok, so on the way home I started getting really sentimental! Watching my friend with her sweet little one, I was really envious. Envious that she had only one set of sweet eyes to look into, envious that all of her attention can be given to one, and sad that I may miss something one is doing because I am looking at the other. This time goes by so fast and I just dont want to miss one second. So, I started thinking "where is this all coming from?" And I think I am carrying some guilt around, maybe not unique to twin moms. I am constantly trying to spend equal time with both, go back and forth between who I pick up first, switching who has a bath first, who gets their bottle first, who gets put in the car first...I know, this is crazy! But I just dont want one twin to feel like he is more loved than the other...and it is really weighing me down. Last night, after they were asleep, I wanted to hold one of them...I stood at the cribs already feeling guilt over having to make a choice between the two. I finally chose Paxton because he isnt easily awoken, and my little Kel man, once he is up he is up!! So I sat rocking Paxton, feeling guilty Kellen wasnt getting special attention too. Oh man, guess I need to read a book or two on raising twins!
But even with all of these feelings, I am so grateful and forever thankful to have them in our lives. To be given less than a 1% chance of having a child, to then being handed two angels...I will never complain. But I did need to vent, so thanks for reading...Im sure tomorrow I will be back to sharing pictures of twins sucking toes!