Friday, June 12, 2009

New Addition to the Baby Rat Pack!!!

Yesterday we finally got to meet little Ethan Anderson! OMG, he is so cute. It is hard to believe the boys were ever that small...and even smaller. Here are some pics from our big day!

Ok, so on the way home I started getting really sentimental! Watching my friend with her sweet little one, I was really envious. Envious that she had only one set of sweet eyes to look into, envious that all of her attention can be given to one, and sad that I may miss something one is doing because I am looking at the other. This time goes by so fast and I just dont want to miss one second. So, I started thinking "where is this all coming from?" And I think I am carrying some guilt around, maybe not unique to twin moms. I am constantly trying to spend equal time with both, go back and forth between who I pick up first, switching who has a bath first, who gets their bottle first, who gets put in the car first...I know, this is crazy! But I just dont want one twin to feel like he is more loved than the other...and it is really weighing me down. Last night, after they were asleep, I wanted to hold one of them...I stood at the cribs already feeling guilt over having to make a choice between the two. I finally chose Paxton because he isnt easily awoken, and my little Kel man, once he is up he is up!! So I sat rocking Paxton, feeling guilty Kellen wasnt getting special attention too. Oh man, guess I need to read a book or two on raising twins!

But even with all of these feelings, I am so grateful and forever thankful to have them in our lives. To be given less than a 1% chance of having a child, to then being handed two angels...I will never complain. But I did need to vent, so thanks for reading...Im sure tomorrow I will be back to sharing pictures of twins sucking toes!


Machelle said...

Oh my dear I can totally relate!! Now that Mackenzie is crawling and pulling herself up I have to watch her and play with her more because she wants to be up on her feet all the time (and I do not want her to fall over and kill herself) so Brooke is usually just sitting there playing with her toys. I feel horrible as I give more attention to Kenzie. I can not offer any advice how to get over this feeling BUT just know I am in the same boat as you. Honestly, they know they are loved at the end of the day though. Brooke has to stay up a little later than Mackenzie so that is her special time each night. I put them in the car the same way each time, so I think they are used to that and they know who is next and such. But you know and I know that we do not love them more or less than the other twin and I think that is what matters most. We have some smart babies if they can contemplate if mommy loves me or my brother/sister more!! It does start to play a toll on you but I suppose that is something that will get easier as they get older and become more independent (or so I hope!). Just know, you are not alone and it is ok to vent...I do the same thing all the time!

Scarlett said...

Courtney....Ethan is only 10 days old and I have guilt that I don't read to him enough, or rock him enough. I think the mommy guilt arrives along with the baby. You are amazing with the boys.....I have a lot to learn from you!